Late night confessions

So I'm at work just listening to music since no one is out and I start listening to Seether. Seethed reminds me of my ex Morgan, he's married now. At least I think he is. Anyways that gets me thinking like always about finding someone. I've been single ever since me and him broke up for the last time. That's been almost 3 years. Sure I've hooked up and been on a few dates but nothing ever took. It seems like it never does. So mostly I've been listening to seether, evanescence and now stone sour and slipknot tonight. Just thinking. My midnights always drive me crazy. Sometimes reflection can be a bad thing. Granted, me and Morgan would've never worked out if we got married. He never kept and job and always chased dreams that were too far away. But I'm 26 now and I still haven't had an actual adult relationship. Meaning someone that you spend time with and go out. Not just someone that comes over to watch tv and have sex. That's all me and Morgan ever had. Or actually any of the guys I dated ever since me and Robert. But I have dated some losers in my past. Guess I'm just waiting on the right one to come along and make me forget about all the ones that have broke my heart, ruined my trust and made my heart so cold.

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And that's what I will be doing one week from today cause it'll be MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This old gal will be turning 24, woo! But wow, 24! I mean I know that's not old but then you get to thinking, I'm 24, single, no kids...HELL YEAH! I don't know if it's like this is other places, but I can tell yall in the south, most women are either pregnant, or have kids by now. So I'd like to think I've got a heads up! Usually, when you're a kid you only think about what you want for your birthday, but this year I've been thinking about everything that I've done, and everything that I've been through.  So I've come a pretty long way, even between 18 and now.

For those who've known me for awhile should remember the guy I dated when I was 18, Robert. Now when I was 18 I had dropped out of school, had no job and still lived at home. Well after he cheated on me and I dumped him, I turned over a new leaf and grew the F up. I got my first job at a grocery store, got my GED and started dating a guy named Brian. Now things with Brian didn't last that long but I'm still friends with him to this day. After getting my GED I went to college for Cosmetology. In the course of 2 years I left the grocery store and started working for a, I guess you would call it Sporting Goods store. I also recieved my degree in Cosmetology and soon after, my license. (WOO!) On the day of my graduation I started work for Ford Motor Company, working at a local dealership. Crazy, right?

But honestly, I learned alot from working at a car dealership, and also become Ford Warranty certified. After 2 years working for the dealership I was let go due to "lack of work". I was single, but on occassion seeing a guy named Morgan, nothing too special. So, after being laid off I was out of work for 6 months. Any everyday (with the exception of weekends) I was out looking for a job, putting in whever would accept my resume. Now, when I was working for Ford, I was making close to $12 an hour plus commission. By this time I was 20, and had just moved out and got a place with my brother. Here me and my brother were, BOTH had brand new cars, and a place to pay for. He also worked at the dealership, I was let go and a week later he was fired. Call it, re-staffing. I called it bullshit. Ok, anyway.....

Well come the 6th month of being without a job, I was starting to think about putting in for fast food places, and other places like that. I even considered getting two jobs, anything to pay the bills. Then, I started looking towards Law Enforcement. I'd just so happened to go by the State Patrol in Milledgeville and spoke with a guy who worked there. Then things kinda took off. I had also put in at a local 911 center, in addition to the State Patrol. So test taking, polly graphs, blood work, interviews and the 911 center saying "You're pretty much hired". Now, the 911 center paid less than the state patrol, but I was willing to take anything! So I said I would take the job with the 911 center and went to get my blood work done and pee in the cup. As I was walking out of the hospital I got a call on my cell, from one of the guys from the State Patrol. He said that I pretty much had the job, and not to take the one at the 911 center. So, of course, I had to call the 911 center and decline the job. Let me tell yall, that was the best decision I could've ever made. I'm very bless and I love my job! This is the best job I've ever had!!!

So now, here I am, about to be 24 in just a few days, 3 careers under my belt, and living a great life. I'm still single, but that's ok. I believe that one day me and Calvin will be together. I adore him with every fiber of my being, and if that's not love, I don't know what is. And if not, then I will meet a man that I'll one day marry and love for the rest of my life. So being single doesn't really bother me as much as it used to. Everything happens in due time. I never thought that any of this would happen to me. I've met alot of great people, had alot of great experiences, loved, lost, laughed (alot) and shared moments with people that I'll never forget.

I just wanna say to anyone that reads this, I'm glad that you're in my life as well! If we talk everyday, or haven't talked in awhile, you have all touched my life in some way and I'm very grateful for that. I love you all!!!! Sorry for the extremely long post. =)
  • Current Music
    Turnin' Me On

Update on love?

NO! This game that me and Calvin are playing is kinda starting to get old. He finally made a comment about a week ago saying that he 'knew' that I had a crush on him. Ok...yeah, I do. Will I tell you flat out? No. I will say this though. The day after he said that I decided that I wouldn't call him for 2-3 days, just to see what he would do. Well guess how long it took before he called me?

One. Day.

That's right, one day people! The day after that day my phone rings and it's him, "Hey, I hadn't talked to you in a few days, just wanted to see what you're doing" Yeah buddy, sure. So now it's just to the point where we both continue to tell each other "You've got the crush" "No, you do!" It's like we're back in kindergarten! *pulls hair out* If he likes me, he needs to go ahead and make the move, and stop dicking around! Because we ALL know that I'm too chicken shit to admit anything!

GAH! That is all.
  • Current Music
    I'm your boogie man- Rob Zombie

Looks like I'm not the only one who doesn't write anymore..

So I was looking at everyone who I have on my friends list and like maybe 3 still use LJ. I've lost contact with everyone from here. It kinda makes me sad because a few years ago I spent all my time on the computer building friendships with these people. Then we all grew up and got lives. Haha

I don't have anything really to report today so I'll stop here for now.

See yas!

P.S we should totally bring LJ used to be fun!
  • Current Music
    Pantera-Cowboys from Hell

Almost 2 years later... really has been long since I've been here. Maybe I should start writing again. I doubt anyone even remembers me anymore. Well..let me catch you up on what's been going on with me...

This year has been a pretty good year so far, I've gotten a great job working with the GA State Patrol as a radio operator. I've been doing shows for the past few months at a local bar and grill, which is awesome! I'm going to be on a self-published album that a friend is working on. Still single and that's ok. I've been out on my own for almost 3 years now and I look at that as finally growing up. I've got a steady career, a great family and awesome co-workers. If the friend department...since I started working for the state patrol I really haven't had time to do much of anything else so my friends and I have sort of drifted apart. It sucks, but I'm dealing with it. We all talk from time to time. Also they all have boyfriends now and are usually with them when I come home.

I do have this HUGE crush on a trooper, but I'm way too chicken shit to say anything. But he's a great guy! Sweet, and caring and funny too! Not bad to look at either. Almost a complete package deal. I don't think he dates chicks like me though, but I don't want to say anything and him not feel the same way..then it would be wierd between us. I can settle for his friendship until he makes a move..if he ever does, or wants to for that matter.

Well I think that's about it really..I could babble about a few more things but I'm at work (like always) so I should get back to that. Maybe I'll start writing here again..guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Why the hell not...

IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 28 things about you. I don't care if we've never talked, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my list, so let me know with whom I am friends!

1. Your Middle Name:

2. Age:

3. Single or Taken:

4. Favorite CURRENT movie/TV show:

5. Favorite CURRENT Song:

6. Favorite Bands/Artists:

7. Dirty or Clean:

8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:

9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?

10. Whats your philosophy on life?

11. Would you have my back in a fight?

12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?

13. What is your favorite memory of us?

14. Would you give me a kidney?

15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:

16. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?

17. Can we get together and make a cake?

18. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?

19. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?

20. Do you think I'm a good person?

21. Would you drive across country with me?

22. Do you think I'm attractive?

23. If you could change anything about me, would you?

24. What do you wear to sleep?

25. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?

26. Would you go on a date with me if I asked you?

27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?

28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

Christmas Cards!!!

If you want one, send me your address to my email!!

Put something on the heading like "Here's my address" so I won't think you're spam and delete you!!

Murry Churimus!


Ok..summing up quickly for what you've missed.

Drank a few.
Saw some good bands.
Partied hard on Halloween.
Still no love life.

That about sums it up. Haha. Anyway..this year hasn't been so bad, thank God! I've met some great people in the local music scene. Became closer with a few friends, and also lost a friend. I'm sure no one even has me on their LJ friends list anymore, haha.

Don't forget about myspace..I'm always on there.

Maybe I'll start to write in this again. Who knows. With two jobs and very little time, we'll just have to wait and see.

Til next time, much love.
  • Current Music
    Co-workers..gotta love em.


I doubt anyone still reads these things but just incase. My Yahoo is screwed up and won't let me into my michelle_the_goddess_2003 account. So until then add southern_belle_143 and I'll talk to you on there. Mmkay? MMMKAYYYYYBYE